What's Left of Kisses?
by Rae325
Summary: "The human race tends to remember the abuses to which it has been subjected rather than the endearments. What's left of kisses? Wounds, however, leave scars." ― Bertolt Brecht. This is a story about both the abuses and the endearments. Emma asks Regina about the scar on her lip.


_Author's Note: This is my first time writing Once Upon a Time fanfiction. The following prompt on tumblr caught my eye, and this story is the result. The story is set shortly after Emma returns from FTL; Regina and Emma were together prior to Emma's trip. I would love to hear what you think, especially about the characterizations. Thanks!_

_Prompt (from an anonymous poster by way of beatthe0dds): "Emma asks Regina about the scar on her upper lip [...] When Emma hears the answers, fluff happens with Regina trying to be badass."_

_Warning for mentions of child abuse, as well as for a sizable about of fluff laced with angst._

* * *

Modest is not the word to describe Regina Mills. When she's left Emma satisfied and exhausted on the bed after a string of orgasms, Regina will knowingly stand up, stretch lazily, giving her lover a perfect view, and saunter to the shower, hips swaying seductively. This little show is almost always enough to ensure that despite Emma's uncertainty whether her legs will even support her weight, Regina will get the round two for that she's none too subtly asking for.

All this wonderful nakedness means that Emma has seen the faint, almost unnatural looking scars of her lover's back. Of course, Emma has never asked Regina about these marks or about the scar on her lip. That particular scar is something that Emma rather enjoys - the way the rough skin feels when Regina pushes her mouth against Emma is an unbelievable turn on.

At first Emma had believed there was some sort of daring story to go along with the scars. Emma makes this assumption because she too has scars, and she does her best to keep them hidden - not because they're terribly unattractive, but because they remind her of painful memories, memories that Emma would rather not discuss.

But the more Emma had stared at Regina's scars, the more Emma had come to believe that the marks on her lovers back must have been made by some kind of whip. They look almost identical to the two lines on Emma's back left by the belt of a particularly abusive foster parent, before Emma had managed to knee him in the balls and make a run for it. And it makes sense, Emma thinks, because Regina is the kind of woman who wouldn't hide scars just because of their origin. She would wear them proudly, a kind of _fuck you_ to whoever dared inflict them on her. No one controls Regina Mills. The question of who caused the injuries was one that lingered in Emma's mind until she found herself in the Enchanter Forest fighting Cora, a woman whose sadism amazed Emma despite her belief that she could no longer be shocked by the cruelty of the world.

Now that Emma's home again, wrapped in the soft comforter on Regina's bed, Emma can't help but think about what childhood had been like for the woman lying beside her. Regina turns her head to look at Emma, fully expecting to see the woman beside her staring at her curves. But the look on Emma's face is not one of desire but one of deep sadness. Regina follows Emma's eyes - knows that they were staring intently at her back. Regina is surprised by how touched she is by Emma's reaction. No one has ever looked so mournful for Regina before. Somehow it doesn't feel like pity, a sentiment that Regina loathes, a sentiment that in another life time might have meant that the offending party would have met some rather unpleasant fate. No, this isn't pity; this feels like love. Regina shakes the thought from her mind, uncertain whether she even remembers what being loved feels like.

Emma looks a little guilty and a little scared that Regina's caught her. But Emma is pleasantly surprised when Regina's response is to lean over and kiss Emma. The kiss is soft and gentle and warm, and these are not words that Emma associates with Regina. But there's something undeniably different about Regina now. Emma had been surprised by the openness, the tenderness that Regina has shown since Emma returned. Emma moves back slightly to smile at Regina, cupping the brunette's face and stroking a thumb along her lip, grazing gently over the scar.

Regina shocks Emma once again by saying, "You can ask."

Periodically Emma has wondered who is the more screwed up one in the relationship. Sharing isn't something they've ever done. They show affection with touches and gestures, but this is new territory. Emma had never expected for Regina to open herself up like this, and damn if it doesn't scare Emma. Because she was not expecting for hot, angry sex to turn into falling asleep in each other's arm, and now into what? A real relationship? The last real relationship Emma had been in was with Neal, and she isn't sure she knows how to do that anymore. But then Emma has a thought that sobers her - she remembers what Snow had said about the last time Regina was in love. And maybe, Emma thinks, the two of them can figure out how to do this together.

"I don't want to make you talk about something you don't want to," Emma says.

"I wouldn't have invited you to ask if I wasn't willing to answer the question," Regina says with her trademark condescension.

It's exactly what Emma needs to break the tension. She lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding and asks, "How did you get that scar?"

"That is my first real memory," Regina says, her voice suddenly colder, more tightly controlled. "My mother told me that I wasn't allowed to go outside and play, but I didn't listen. She always was rather fond of restraining me, tying me up, usually dangling in midair. But I was still small then, and it was the first time she'd ever done that. I cried and begged her to let me down, promised I'd never be bad again." Regina's face contorts in anger, and Emma isn't sure whether this is directed at Cora or at Regina herself, for what she now seems to perceive as weakness. "When I fell to the ground, she came over to soothe me, to tell me it was for my own good," Regina continues. She remembers throwing herself into her mother's arms, because it felt good to be comforted, even if it was by the same woman who had just scared her so much. "Before she left she told me to never disobey her again and hit me across the face. Her ring left the scar. A clever little bit of magic means that it can't be removed; she wanted to make sure that I'd never forget."

_I'm sorry_ almost slips from Emma's lips until she remembers just how much she despises those words. Instead Emma captures Regina's mouth in another kiss, trying her very best to convey her deep respect and affection. From the look on Regina's face when they move apart, Emma succeeds at doing just that. There's a moment where they stare at each other, as though really seeing each other for the first time without some layer of protection and bravado to guard them.

But then the moment passes, and Regina's mouth twitches into a seductive smile. "I think the scar makes me look rather badass, don't you?"

Emma chuckles. Did Regina really just say badass? Apparently between Emma and Henry, they've succeeded at making Regina just a touch less classy. Emma needs to remember to high-five the kid for this one tomorrow. "Do you really need extra badass when you're an evil queen?" Emma asks teasingly.

"You've always seemed to find my scar rather hard to resist," Regina says, her voice lower now, as she moves to straddle Emma.

As if to prove Regina correct, Emma captures the other woman's mouth in a hungry kiss. "Damn right I do. Now are you going to put your mouth to good use?"

Playful, teasing sex is exactly what they need to move away from the seriousness and pain of Regina's disclosure. It's the distraction Regina needs so that she doesn't get lost in the memories. But the moment of real intimacy between herself and Emma is not forgotten. Not too long later, Regina pulls a sleepy Emma against her chest, spooning the blonde, who responds with a content moan. Regina isn't letting go of the woman in her arms, no matter how much this all scares the hell out of both of them. Daniel had told Regina to love again, and for the first time she lets herself believe that maybe, just maybe, that's what she's been doing with Emma all along.


End file.
